My Mother’s name was June. I have always enjoyed the month of June. As it is filled with images of my mom, it’s a loving month. It was the end of school, a month of the glorious promise of summer adventures! Spring matures into hot sunshine full of freedom and explorations. Even once adulthood erased the boundary of summer, June held its promising energy for me.
My wish for you is to experience that taste of summer time fun this month. How could you create a day of summer? Maybe a Saturday picnic with friends in a park? Or a movie, or a concert, outside somewhere?
Taking advantage of an idea, and putting it into action benefits your soul in several ways. There’s a sense of satisfaction when you are the one to plan and pull off a fun get together. You get a jump on summer! Start your celebrations early! June isn’t as hot and so even more blissful. Friends might not be all booked up yet, and it’s easier to gather for a BBQ.
How can you stretch your summer fun?
Your Morning Motivation
This section will be a thought to help you set yourself up for a more purposeful day. The time just flies by if we don’t give it more meaning! Days, weeks, months! Suddenly we look around and wonder what happened to all that time and nothing has really changed in a way we intended.
It can be a very simple thing to add a bit of focused intention to your day.
How to use this section:
- Pick one thing to focus on today. I’ll make a suggestion below, but it can be whatever is right for you.
- Write it down somewhere you’ll see it several times a day. Bonus if you add in why you chose it and how it will make a change in your day/life.
- Set a timer on your phone, 4 x today to look at your intention.
- At the end of the day write down how it went, what did you notice, and what you might want to try tomorrow.
June’s Morning Motivation:
The Focus: I will notice sweetness today.
Today I am seeing all the ways sweetness touches my life. I’ll see the kind gestures. I will notice small, fun things. And I can add to the sweetness in the world by my own actions! How can I add some sweetness to the day for others?
Thought for the Month
Making Changes
If we are living right, we will make many big changes during our lifetime.
I don’t mean the growing and changing of the human body. That’s going on all the time. You’d think we’d be good at making changes! The natural world around us is constantly changing. Our bodies change. In fact, our bodies constantly make new cells, almost hourly.
Yet there seems to be a deep resistance in many people when it comes to making a change in our lives. Even when we are miserable with the current circumstances.
Why?
The amygdala, what I call The Fear Dragon, hates change. Anything new, a change in behavior or routine or habit is a threat to the survival of the human as far as the Fear Dragon is concerned.
So the FD will pull out a big bag ‘o tricks to make it REALLY hard for you to make changes.
How is it hard? Basically, you have created a life based on your understanding of what you are capable of. You have ricocheted through life, learning limiting beliefs along the way, that you have accepted as truth. No matter how old you were when you learned it–Two, Five or Twenty Three years old–you learned and put a pin in it. You abide by this until you are SO uncomfortable you finally seek out a way to fix it.
As adults we have a long list of justifications as to why we have to be here, in this place in our life. We have explanations for why we can’t change it. It’s bullshit. It’s mindgames. It’s the amygdala trying to keep us in our cave, safe from Saber Tooth tigers waiting in every bush.
How do we outsmart our own BRAIN??? How is it even possible???
We go around it.
When you are finally miserable enough to decide to make a change, no matter how much BS the mind is putting in your way, here’s what you can do:
Step One) Get super honest with yourself.
Take responsibility for your part of where you are. You picked this partner. You took this job. You eat the way you eat. (Or drink, or however you stuff your feelings…) Hey, you made the best choice you could at the time but it was YOUR CHOICE. (No one has a gun to your head forcing the cookie into your mouth. It might feel that way, however.) Now you are making a new and better choice! It’s how life works.
Taking responsibility for your life is FREEDOM!
Notice what the mind says. Write it down. “It’s not my fault! This happened because_______. I only eat when I have earned it!”
Step Two) Forgive.
This will take some layers of work but get started now. Forgive yourself.
You made the best choice you could at the time.
Forgive others. Let it go. This doesn’t mean we absolve them of their behavior. This means we let go of the need to punish. We let go of the need for everyone else to see what a martyr you are. We let go of showing the world how we are suffering because of what they did. We let go of suffering. Period.
- Notice what the mind says. Write it down. “They were so horrible to me! They lied! They cheated! They took my money…AGAIN!”
Step Three) Let go of suffering.
We make the promise to ourselves, to our trusted advisors and our higher power to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and to embrace a happy life. Start NOW.
Notice what the mind says. Write it down. “I can’t tell anyone else I’m doing this because what if I fuck up? What happy life? Life is SUFFERING! “
(This was the old me. Oh brother. Victim much?)
Step Four) Know the mind will fuck with you.
It will come up with amazing excuses why you should just go ahead and call the abusive boyfriend back, eat that cookie when you SO want to lose weight, or stay in the soul sucking job.
It will. Expect it. Be ready for it.
- Notice what the mind says. Write it down. “He didn’t mean it. She is always sorry afterwards. The make up sex is amazing. It’s only one cookie. I’ll never find someone who will love me. I’ll never find someone I will love as much. I’m lucky to have a job at all.” OMG the mind will come up with amazing stealth ways to derail you and keep you in that fucking cave.
Step Five) Prepare for the Mind Fuck.
When our traitorous mind starts up with the oh-so-believable excuses to keep us in our old stagnant behaviors, have some go-to responses ready in your Bat-Utility-Belt.
~ STOP. Be Curious. Before you cave in and retreat into the cave, isolate the thought. “I want the cookie” or whatever it is.
See the behavior for what it is: Fear. “If I don’t get the cookie, I’ll have to feel the feeling that is coming up (I’m not worthy. I’m lonely. I’m afraid. I didn’t make this day meaningful in terms of success).”
~ Break out the Fear Busting Mantras.**
~ Make a new choice and make it quick! Have tea instead of a cookie. Just MOVE. Get UP! Put the kettle on! Start a new happy habit. Don’t let the Fear take hold.
~ Make an offering of thanksgiving or connecting to your inner wisdom, higher self, god…whatever you connect with. Ask for help and you will get it! Say thank you, and it doesn’t even matter if you don’t know for sure who or what you are saying “thank you” to. Just be grateful you can be in this moment, that you are growing and changing in the direction of your dreams, that you have what you have!
Remember, the brain LOVES ritual! It hates changes. So sweeten the deal with ritual!
Step Six) Take a compassionate look at what you saw when you looked at the deeper reason for the behavior.
Take 3 deep breaths. Relax your body. (Listen to music, or use one of my guided meditations). Then ask to be shown what you need to know in connection with the old behavior and fear you are busting. How old were you when you first started feeling this fear? See yourself at this age. Give yourself what you needed, that you didn’t receive. No blame on your parents. They did the best they could at the time. You are not a victim anymore. You are re-parenting now. Give yourself a hug. Say what you needed to hear. Whatever it is, do it now.
Bless your younger self, and let them know you are always there for them. See them happy and free and let them go.
- Notice what the mind says. Write it down. How old were you? What were the circumstances? How do you feel now?
I know this sounds so woo woo, but it works. It’s an ancient technique used by Shamans and Therapists and Acting Teachers!
The Fear Dragon will mind fuck you with this and many other thoughts of resistance to this kind of deep, personal development.
Don’t let that Fear Dragon talk you out of doing this work.
Step Seven) Seek Community that will support your success.
Not just ANY group of people. But the ones who will see you through to the pinnacle of success. For example: Don’t expect your drinking buddies to be able to support your sobriety. Get in a 12 Step program. Right?
They don’t have to be your besties. They are your “success community”. They are your “trusted advisors”. They understand what you are doing, how emotional it is, and that you’ll need support along the way. Without judging, trying to fix, or doing it for you. I didn’t have any pals who could understand my commitment, no–my NEED, to be physically fit to the degree that gave me a self esteem boost. So I created a group of fellow gym rats and even found a distant friend who helped me with my diet. We all got closer because of common goals, but these people were not in my world until I sought them out to support my new lifestyle.
- Notice what the mind says. Write it down. Make a list of places where you can find folks. Meetups, 12 Step groups, making a group out of the folks you know will inspire you…who are they? Join the amazing, supportive people in the Magical Living Community!
We’d love to support YOU!
TL;DR
- Get Honest with yourself
- Forgive yourself and others
- Let GO of suffering. You are no longer a victim
- Know the mind will fuck you
- Prepare for the mind fuck: Stop and Be Curious, Fear Bust, Get into action, Be grateful
- Take a compassionate look at what you saw when you looked at the deeper reason for the behavior.
- Get into a community that can support you.
You can do it!
Journal Prompt
Where in my life do I really want to make some changes, and why? Why is it important? How will I feel if I do make these changes? Who else might it benefit and why?
What will happen if I DON’T change? What will happen if I DO?
Our Quest Travel Adventures
I am most proud of our travels into the Middle East.
We went to Turkey last October for 2 weeks and it was tough at first, but ultimately awesome. The people are really great. They welcomed us in Istanbul, a historically cosmopolitan city, rich in the history of so many people.
It was a magnificent crossroads between Europe and Asia for millenia. And now still is in many ways.
For us it had enough European culture to feel a little familiar sometimes. Yet there was the deeply exotic in tastes, smells, colors, textures…just gorgeous, eye popping sights around every corner.
It was tough because I was hesitant as a woman and not sure how it would feel being there. I needn’t have worried. I don’t remember any moment when I didn’t feel pretty safe. But it took a while to relax. The language was hard for me, and I can’t read the alphabet to even begin to suss out words. But we did alright!
However, everyone smokes. A LOT. And that’s pretty awful for me. I just couldn’t breathe. Masks being made normal now, I wore mine a fair amount just to try to breathe.
Yet, the locals are so friendly and happy to help tourists get around. And the food is AWESOME! OMG if you get a chance to go you must have the Turkish breakfasts. Insane.
I wish I could have done more shopping. Sellers are aggressive and have unreal sales mutant powers. I didn’t have any experience with that. It bothered me I couldn’t just look without having someone up in my face. Since we are living out of suitcases, we can’t carry much. I did buy a pretty jacket I love. We got some earrings for Glenn’s daughter. But otherwise I didn’t need “stuff”. So we took photos! I have a lot on my Instagram.
Most of my photos are of the cats!
Cats are everywhere!
The Turkish dote on the kitties. Food and water bowls and cat condos are on every store stoop and along sidewalks.
It was explained to me that they feel cats are good luck, and maybe even divine. They guarded knowledge by protecting delicate scrolls and sacred texts from the mice and rats and bugs they carry. They kept vermin and disease away from the people.
So the people take care of them.
We moved on to Cappadocia for 4 nights in a wonderful cave hotel. If you get to Turkey, please visit Cappadocia! It’s like nowhere else. The landscape is unexplainable. The best thing we did was take a hot air balloon ride the first morning we were there. It was life changing seeing the morning sunlight on that incredible, alien landscape.
The other thing that was life changing–I rode a camel.
I have ALWAYS wanted to. But I didn’t want the carnival version with a poor, worn out camel that may or may not be abused. The right opportunity hadn’t arisen.
Until Cappadocia.
Like I said the Turkish are FAMOUS hosts. They really are incredible. Our Cave Hotel manager wrangled the hot air balloon which can have a long waitlist. And he also made sure I rode a camel.
All the animals in the Middle East work. All the people work. They don’t seem to just have pets. But there are a LOT of animals, dogs, cats, donkeys, horses, mules…and camels.
And the animals have a place in the society. They work, and they are treated well. I often saw dogs just loitering around between their duties, mules walking down the street towards their patch, and people seem to know who they belong to and let them be. Traffic moves around any beast in the way. Shops and restaurants have water bowls out for them.
I was at first all worried about the dogs, one of whom came up to me and lay across my feet while we ate. He was ENORMOUS and turns out a herding and protecting dog called an Anatolian Shepherd, native to this region of Turkey. They’re huge dogs with massive heads, cream fur and black on their face. He evidently was off duty and liked my feet to snooze on. I didn’t try to move him. He was HUGE. but very sweet.
We watched the people just react to the dogs with affectionate tolerance.
But back to the camels.
We were taken, with our host’s guidance, to a shack with several men and their camels for our ride. The camels were all female because, as we were told, they are gentle, don’t fight with each other, and smaller. They were already 7 feet tall!
Mine was named Lemon. She was a blond. Silky coat, well coiffed. And she wore a gorgeous rug with a soft saddle for me.
Glenn, whose camel was named Poppie, and I were the only ones there so we had a private guide who walked with our ladies for an hour.
We had a mounting platform so the camels didn’t have to kneel for us to get in the saddles.
Lemon had a graceful slow walk that was so comfortable! Her strides were, however, pretty formidable. And so quiet! Camels have padded feet and make very little noise.
She made little purring growls every once in a while, maybe talking to Poppie. When she turned her head to look at me, her head was in reach and I could rub behind her ears. She really liked that. Camels can walk one way and look the other. Neat trick! And that means reins have little effect if they don’t want to go where you try to steer.
We didn’t even try though, since our guide was leading us along a desert path that the Ladies knew well. Professionals will use their legs and a stick to let their camel know where they want them to go.
We took a lot of cheesy photos, saw incredible land formations (you really have to see it to believe it), and our hour was over way too fast. Once again I was struck by how lucky I am to be able to do this, with my husband whom I love so much and makes everything so special. In the photos, I look like a tourist, obv. Glenn looks like a film star.
I was pretty obsessed with camels. This solidified it.
We post on the Quest.Retreats4Nerds Instagram and FB pages lots of photos so check them out!
Member Result of the Month
This month we’re spotlighting Kaisi from the US for her progress in my Magical Living personal growth program! Kaisi was able to make some massive changes in her creative life and career. Here’s what she had to say about it:
““[The program] was a completely transformative experience for me. I came into the program kind of in a rut. I had been feeling stuck in my career. I felt stuck creatively. I was generally just kind of down. After participating in the program I ultimately had a massive change. I looked at some resentments. I made some apologies. I really thought about the changes I wanted to make in my life and everything changed from there.
Instead of waking up each day feeling kind of stuck, I started making steps to be able to make the changes I needed. Within a few months of joining the program, I had found a new apartment. I was able to have a space I enjoyed. I was able to get un-stuck creatively. I was able to write so many cool new things and really improve the quality of my work.
Speaking of work, I also felt I had a massive career boost through participating in this community. I had been feeling stuck in my career, and honestly it’s a career I had just fallen into. It wasn’t something I had chose. But since participating in the community, I was able to really take control of what direction I wanted to go in. I was able to discover the path that I wanted to take and then work with my employer to move into that department.
Within a year of being in the program, I was able to make that career move that I had so desperately needed. Now, I get to do some pretty big things for a company I absolutely love. I’m so grateful to be able to have been a part of this community and have these life-changing experiences.”
Stay in Touch!
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YOML: The Science of Magic
The Magical Living community was created to give sci-fi and fantasy nerds, like me, a place to gather with others to focus on our dream goals.
Every month, I guide a masterclass on a personal development topic, something I have been passionate about and teaching for over 12 years now.
If you are curious about the YOML and would like to try a masterclass, check out How To Tame Your Fear Dragon, a practicum on getting unstuck and staying that way!
You can check out our community and program The Year Of Magical Living: The Science of Magic here! https://magicalliving.mykajabi.com/a-year-of-magical-living-the-science-of-magic
The Calendar
Patricia’s convention appearances:
July 19-22nd San Diego Comic Con. Details of panels, and signings TBA.
Watch Party! You are invited!
The last Saturday of every month the Magical Living community gathers for nerdy fun. The members select a film or TV show to view together on Zoom! This month’s will be on Sunday June 18th at 11am PDT, with the movie to be announced soon!
Join us for a guided meditation LIVE on YouTube for non members. Make sure you subscribe and hit the notification bell!
Members will receive their links via the Membership emails!
Monday June 12th at 10am PDT, 1pm EDT, 6pm London
Who is Patricia Tallman?
If you want to learn more about me, here’s my bio!
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Thank you for reading!
Love,
Patricia Tallman, founder of Magical Living
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